The summer between 8th and 9th grade I went from being a short skinny person to being a tallish, skinny person. I entered the 9th grade wearing clothing purchased at the men’s departments of several different stores. Ever since 9th grade I have been buying my clothing in men’s stores and the men’s departments of department stores, until last week.
For most of my life I have been the same size. Thanks to a neurosurgeon I’m now a little shorter than when I bought my first menswear but other than parts of my spine being removed I’ve been pretty much the same size. If you don’t ride the wave of the style elite and go for more conservative clothes it makes for cheap dressing. I actually still have a pair of pants from the summer between 8th and 9th grade and they still fit.
A couple months ago those pants didn’t fit. I didn’t try them on but I knew. Probably a year and a half ago I noticed my pants were getting a little snug. At first I ignored it. Then I just blamed it on changes in lifestyle, eating habits, getting old or the fact that all of my pain issues from back surgeries and old sports and racing mishaps made it hard to exercise. Then I did the logical thing and, for the first time in thirty six years, bought pants with a larger waistline.
I dealt with the increased girth for probably a year or so. For some reason around Thanksgiving I just decided that I was not going to deal with it much longer. I have never made a New Year’s resolution but I guess this came pretty close. I got through the holidays and almost immediately set about getting back to my fighting weight from high school.
In 42 days I lost 21 pounds. I changed my breakfast from meat and eggs to granola, cut back on the beer and most importantly increased my exercise regimen to where it needs to be to not only maintain my proper weight but support my serious back issues. Once again, I weigh what I weighed the first time I bought clothes in the men’s department. I’m a few weeks away from 51 and I feel pretty good.
There is only one problem with being at my ideal weight. While I was carrying that extra bit of weight I bought some pants I really like. They don’t make them in my ideal size and if I wear them without a belt I look like a gangsta wannabe. Picture William Tecumseh Sherman with cargo pants riding down his ass and you have a pretty good idea. So I did the logical thing. I went in search of a new belt to hold up my beloved pants. I searched high and low throughout a fairly decent sized mall. I hit all five of the “anchor” stores and then the specialty retailers and no one had a belt to fit me in the men’s department.
One of the advantages of having what clothing designers call an “athletic” fit is that you don’t really need a belt to hold up your pants. It really is an accessory and I usually don’t wear one as it bothers my back. If I want to continue to wear the pants that I am so comfortable in I need to acquire a belt. I finally found one that is a perfect fit. It was in the boy’s department at Sears. My waist is the same size it was 36 years ago when I started shopping in the men’s department. With the exception of the last year and a half it has been that size. The only thing that I can ascertain from this last shopping venture is that the clothing retailers in my area are giving in to all of the reports about the American populace becoming obese, which is why I bought a belt in the boy’s department. I guess the next time I need underwear I’ll buy it online.
