I think I finally realized why speaking with my sister is frequently so entertaining for other people. There is always the possibility the conversation will turn into a Laurel & Hardy routine. Most of these routines revolve around cars. I get to play the straight man.
The reason I get to play the straight man is I am the expert. That is probably my father’s fault. Before I could walk he bought me some rudimentary electric go-kart. I would crawl into it and navigate through our home and Dad’s business at supposed break neck speeds. I couldn’t talk. I couldn’t walk but I could drive. It is no wonder I spent much of my life working with and spare time playing with cars.
One of our classic routines involves a 1965 Chevrolet Corvair Corsa Turbo Convertible. My sister owned this car for three weeks. I can remember every nuance of it. Not just the car but the smell and the sound of it. I was 5 and my sister was old enough to be in college doing some one semester gig at the University of Delaware instead of at Kutztown where I thought she was going. Anyway, she was driving a red, turbocharged, 4 speed convertible Corvair wherever she was going. It was red, had wire wheels (factory) and an aftermarket Hurst shifter with a white cue ball shift knob. I think that was the first time I felt jealousy or at least recognized it.
I remember the way it sounded, the way you got a little shove in the back when the turbo kicked in and the way the steering wheel vibrated violently at 65 mph. Not that I drove it but I can still see Dad’s hands shaking violently trying to control it. The guys at the garages we took it to all blamed the vibration on the factory wire wheels for being so hard to balance. Dad decided it was too dangerous and the Corvair went away three weeks after we got it. My sister doesn’t remember the car at all. I still want it. A couple years ago I asked a buddy of mine who lived across the street if he remembered the car. He immediately replied,” yeah, red with factory wires”. My sister doesn’t remember it. It makes for a classic routine.
I think we may have started a new routine today. She called and began the conversation with some reference to cars and expertise, which meant I was going into straight man mode. The car in question this time is a 1993 Chrysler Cordoba. If you are reading this and know anything about cars you know this can’t be as the Cordoba was made between 1975 and 1985. If you don’t know anything about cars but watched TV in that era you will recognize that as the car which introduced America to Corinthian Leather. This was a car that was named for a city in Spain and had a hood ornament that looked like a stylized Argentine flag. The leather was named for a city in Greece or possibly Texas and the whole mess was introduced to us by a guy from Mexico. The car was as confusing and as confused as I was by the end of our conversation. I wasn’t confused by the car. I recognized it as junk when it was introduced and have not changed my position in 36 years. What confused me is how my sister found a car that she claims was built in 1993 with 63,000 miles on it that wasn’t built after 1985. The routine still has a couple rough edges but should be available on Amazon.com soon. Look for it in the comedy section next to forgotten Corvairs.
